BDSM (Bondage/Domination/Sadism/Masochism)

Are you interested in that “50 Shades” stuff but you don’t know where to begin?  

Have you always fantasized about tying your partner up or getting a spanking? 

Have you dabbled but want to try something new?

Does it all seem so overwhelming?

Expressions is here to help.

 

So where to begin?

A good community is always a good place to begin.  There are several groups in the Capital District and I’m sure there are some in your community as well. . You can find out where the local groups and events are by visiting FETLIFE  They are the largest online community of kinky people. You will find other like minded people as well as great information. The largest one in our area is Albany Power Exchange. They will usually meet monthly (or more) for a “Munch”. This is nothing more than a public meet-up in normal street clothes. (Such as the Chinese Buffet) No one outside of the group would know what you are there for. These munches provides an opportunity to get to know others in the area without all the pressure. Additionally, if you are looking for a play partner, they know most of the locals and can make recommendations or warning about certain individuals. They are fun and I recommend finding one close to you.

If you are single but are looking you may want to consider a professional. There are several pros in the area as well as the world's oldest Dungeon, La Domain Esemar.  They cater to many kinks and will teach you how to satisfy yours safely and properly.

Ok, now that you have a partner, you should discuss exactly what you would like to try and what you don’t want to do. CONSENT is MANDATORY, but negotiating a scene can be lots of fun. This is the time that you can your partner get to discuss all of your fantasies and hopefully get the chance to live them out.  Don’t worry if you don’t have a lot of the same interests, you can start with the ones you have in common and add more as you become more comfortable with each other.  You can find out more here.  Also make sure you have a safe word you both know if something goes wrong. The standard ones mimic a traffic light; “Green” is go, “Yellow” means to stop what you are doing, but not the scene (“move onto something else, I’m not into this” or “slow down”) and “Red” means stop everything, something is wrong.  If you will be unable to talk, make sure you have a signal you both know.

DO NOT be afraid to stop something if it feels uncomfortable, don’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to do, just for them. This is supposed to be fun for everyone involved.  If they are a caring partner, you won’t hurt their feelings by saying “no”.

Now onto the toys!

Let’s begin with the sensory deprivation items.  Blindfolds and hoods are great because they help you focus your other senses. You pay attention to every sound  your partner makes or every touch on your body when your sense of sight is hindered.  Not only does this make everything more sensitive, it’s perfect for those people who are “all in their heads” during sex. You focus on the the pleasure/pain that you will receive instead of “the laundry” and “What’s for dinner?”  These products work great with tickling items like feathers or Wartenburg Wheels.

Gags are another type of sensory deprivation because you are unable to talk or use your tongue and mouth like you normally would.  To start, we have your standard Ball Gag which come in several sizes and materials. You can choose from solid silicone, breathable plastic, or even edible candy gags. There are also bit gags which cause a bit of drooling or ring gags which can be used for penis insertion as well. Spider gags do a little of everything, plus look really cool.

Collars and Leashes are also another fun way to explore the power dynamic in your relationship. Not only are they a great way to lead around your submissive, they can be an indicator of relationship status in the BDSM community.  You can read more about that here.

We offer high quality handmade leather collars in the store in various sizes and colors.  

Bondage Items

There are so many ways to restrain your consenting partner.

You can start with some basic bondage tape, which can be wrapped around your partner's hands, feet, arms, and legs with minimal effort. It’s easy to use and most importantly it only sticks to itself.  You will not be injuring your partner or ripping off hair in the removal of this tape.

Silk ties are a great restraint as well. The fabric is soft, silky, and pretty so your restrained partner looks great while tied up.  These aren’t too complex and can be easily hidden in plain sight if you are worried about privacy.

Rope is going to be your most versatile restraint. It can be tied into any configuration you can imagine, and then some.  There are books dedicated to giving you step by step instructions for some beautiful and complicated ties.  The experts are even capable of suspending a person from the ceiling using only rope (safely of course).  If you like the look of rope and are up for a good challenge, rope may be the right restraint for you.

If you don’t want to fight with all that rope but still want to have a great restraint Handcuffs or Ankle Cuffs may be just what you are looking for.  The clasp can be your standard handcuff style, velcro, or buckle style. (The metal cuffs are not recommended because they can cause wrist damage.) Think of comfort and strength when choosing a good cuff. This is one of those “you get what you pay for” type of items. We offer high quality handmade leather cuffs in the store for those who want the best.

Perhaps you need more than your standard handcuff.  Maybe you are looking for something specific like hog ties, or under the bed restraints.  This is where you will find them. Feel free to explore and imagine all of the possibilities.

So what do you do now that you have your partner tied up and all vulnerable?  Well, if you did it right you would have already talked about this and would have all the toys laid out in front of you.  

But let’s go through some of the options you have.

Tickling- This is a great way to play with a restrained partner.  You can use feathers, or roll spikey little metal wheels called Wartenburg Wheels lightly over your partner's skin.  These are fun because they awaken the nerve endings sending all the pleasure chemicals rushing through your brain. The pain is minimal and feels more ticklish than painful.  

Nipple Clamps/Pumps. The nipples can be a very sensitive erogenous zone and may enjoy the pain/pleasure of a a nice nipple clamp. If your partner likes having their nipples pinched, tugged on, or bitten, this may be the perfect toy for them.  There are different types of clamps to choose from, some are adjustable, some are not.  There are weighted ones and chained ones as well as pretty feathered clamps to make you or your partner feel sexy. If you like having your nipples sucked on, you should try the nipple pumps. They may become your new go to toy.

Whips are another fun way to wake up the nerve endings.  The less painful ones like your standard flogger can be more of a tickle if used lightly or quite painful if more strength is put into it.  The thicker it is the more “thuddy” it will feel. If you are looking for more of a "stingy" feel, you may want to try a flogger made of rubber or even a crop or cane.

If you are a fan of the “thuddy” feel, you should check out our paddles. You can choose from some that leave an imprint on your partner, to ones that are softer, or more decorative. It’s always a good idea to have several styles in your toy bag to choose from depending on your mood and your partner’s preference.

Don’t worry if you can’t choose just one thing, there are kits pre-made just for that reason. They contain a nice combination of toys to get you started.

Chastity and Sounding

There are chastity devices which wrap around the penis and testicles to prevent an erection. These are designed to be quite uncomfortable and may even have a “sound” built in. A sound is a metal or silicone rod that is inserted into the urethra (for pleasure). You can read more about how to use these safely here. These are often used by a domme as a way to control the submissive, resulting in one person having control of another’s erections.

Once you have all the products you need to get started you will most likely need a place to store all of these fun toys, you can find storage cases here. Don’t forget your batteries, toy cleaners, and lubes, no toy bag is complete without them.

Please contact us for product availability, with any questions you may have, or if you are interested in private one-on-one relationship coaching.  Angieweller@expressionsadultboutique.com.